Monday, October 10, 2005

Symbols and signs

You can go through life thinking how open and big your world is, and then you walk upon something that reminds you that in this world each of us are no bigger a life as an ant is to us...This has happened to me a zillion times a day here...I had a belief that my world was so large, after all the puttering around the country studying, learning, growning, and feeding the street people, that I could have a grasp on this situation...How wrong I was...I felt Big in my world, but in the real world I am a mere ant, a worker ant...Something happened last night that burdened my heart and saddened me, so with feet too heavy to stand, legs to sore to put beneath me, and a weight on my shoulders it seemed impossible to find the lessons in something that makes no sense, or has no rhyme or reason, I began my day today...I knew that I couldn't bring the people down that we have all come down here to help...They need smiles and ears, and hugs, and prayers and when today began I couldn't give it...So as I was told when I got here, when things get to be too much (and they will) that you must take time away, time for yourself...I moped around my first hour awake...So I knew I had to refocus, and maybe even be reminded again why I was here,. When some people who haven't been to the beach yet wanted to go down, I joined them.
This journey today will stay with me for a long time to come...We drove slow and talk was mostly light and casual until we went over the rail road tracks and then there were no more words...What could we have said, each of us just looked in every direction and recording what we saw for later but little was said...What these kids didn't understand was that we had blocks to go until we were truly in the twilight zone, to where it feels like something straight out of a horror picture...Driving down the road we came to the corner of Waveland(Ave) and Fell(St.) and we had to stop and reflect the symbolism of that moment , of that message...Again the scene left me speechless so at the beach I wandered down to the water, turning my back to the sic-fi novel gone horrible awry behind me and tried to watch the water...After a time I notice a few shells, and thought how kind mother eath was to start leaving her treasures again, for so much to has been washing up are man's treasures now covered in toxic sludge and waste, and here in this sadness and distraction sits a beautiful shell, Mother gifted my this treasure as a reminder of why these people need us right now...I had no way of knowing how profound this shell ended up beign for me...I as began to walk over to this shell I notice something buried half in the sand just beyond the shell, so I start to go and look at what it might be, at first I thought it was a notebook or journal, but then I noticed that I knew this shape well, it was the case to a video, so I bent to look at it, and that's when I realized what I was looking at...A video my own babies love Pocahantas 2 and it hit me like a ton of bricks and down I went...What child is missing this movie and all her other special treasure that every young child holds dear to their hearts...But then again...Maybe she's not missing it, because she joined our heavenly father and she'll never know her favorite video is ruined and she's the one being missed...I cried for this child, for all these children, and then I cried for my children...When I was finished crying, I knew what needed to be done...And then it came to me...We need a space that we can step to for a moment of surround when our burdens feel to heavy...A place to meditate, go for yoga, or ti-chie, or perhaps just to pray...We have many areas set up, but this is space we share with the people we are here to help...And sometimes we need to step away from their sadness to deal with our own.So I began with an eight by ten tarp and buy the end of the day, we now have a huge tarp and stage of sorts, a couple rigged tables, few chairs, blankets, and tapistries, hanging beads, to liven and lift the load...We now have a 'hippie haven' for when we need to tune out...You have to find the time for your self...So you can keep giving of yourself...I tried to give that to these people working to hard to help these people...I have NEVER met a stronger working, harder working, happy group of people in my life...I am so blessed to get the chance to work with these people...I hope this space can be healthy for everyone so hard at work down here...So many people depend on these hard working people, but anyone that's ever tended to a person whom couldn't do on thier own.Well the people of Waveland can't get on their feet and do all it takes to get something as simple as soap all at the same time, they need all the help they can get...

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